I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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