i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
