it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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