I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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