i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
