You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
