Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
