that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
