i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
