her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
