I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
