Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
