I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
