i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
