i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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