I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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