I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
