I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
