people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
