so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
