Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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