I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
