So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
