I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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