just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
