The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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