And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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