dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
