shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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