you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.