Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
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Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing