It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
