he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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