and next time when you feel me up, do it right
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
