Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
