dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She's the barista slut.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
