Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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