Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
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I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.