I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level