But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dating After Heartbreak
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.