she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
