there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
