you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
