Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My balls are so social today.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You need Xanax blowdarts
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
