I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
