She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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