We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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