You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
