Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he thought i was a dude.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
