if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
