I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
