1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
