the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
