You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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