after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
