I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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