I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Randomize
