How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
