cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I party with great urgency now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
