come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
