i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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