I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
