We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
