ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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