He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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