awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I want her autograph on my taint
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
