i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
